Chapter 6

After surviving two more classes, it’s lunch time. I bolt outside to wait for my oldest brother, Jake. He always walks down here from the base to see me. Normally I can see him by the time I get to the gate, but he must be running late today.

I lean against the gate, letting the brisk autumn breeze tousle my hair. It’s a little chilly out here, despite my sweater. I still can’t see Jake, so I sit down and take out my book. I read mindlessly, not following the story at all. I’m too distracted, thinking about how close I came to another “episode” with Alistair. I know that I’m just paranoid; nothing’s wrong. He’s just a boy who came a little too close.

I put the book down; no use losing my page when I’m not even paying attention. I can’t stop thinking about Alistair and not-Alistair. I haven’t seen them since my first class, not even at lunch. I deliberately avoided my locker, which might have something to do with it. I never eat lunch in the cafeteria, since I always spend it with Jake. He still hasn’t come. I resign myself to eating alone and unwrap my cold sub sandwich. I eat in silence, not bothering to move my legs from their cramped position. The spiciness of the salami irritates my dry throat, and I cough. I reach for my bottle of iced tea, but I knock it over.

“Here you are,” a voice says quietly from above. I look up. It’s Not-Alistair. Alistair stands behind him.

“This is my brother,” he says. “Alex, meet Kiera.”

I nod noncommittally in his direction as the brothers sit down, one on each side of me. Lovely.

I’m nervous, all of a sudden. I tense, debating on whether or not I should stand and leave. What right do they have, hemming me in like this, anyway? I rise to my feet, ready to take refuge in the girls’ bathroom.

I speed-walk to the entrance, not looking back. I reach the bathroom, throw away my sandwich wrapper, and lock myself into a stall. There, I calm myself down and rebuke my idiotic fear of people. They were just being friendly! And now they, like everyone else, think that I’m completely insane.

I’ve spent years convincing myself that I really do not care about what people think of me. It works most of the time. It doesn’t now. I lean into the wall of the stall and fight the tears that well up in my eyes. It hurts when no one understands you. But it hurts even worse if you’re caught hurting.

Absentmindedly, I text Jake to let him know where I was. I wait a few minutes to let the swelling in my face go down. I can hear other girls talking loudly and laughing with each other. As much as I despise the cheerleader-types, I envy that they have friends, however fake they may be.

I used to be popular. Back before my mother died. Back when I wasn’t weird. As soon as I started having trouble, all of my so-called “friends” left me, afraid that their reputations would be tarnished by hanging out with me. Eventually, I went from longing for friends to despising and fearing people in general. All except my brothers. Of course, I haven’t told them about my…condition. They both chalked it up to not enough sleep and a lot of grief. Aidan forgave me immediately for breaking his nose, but I’ve never forgiven myself for it.

Once the last of the girls leave, I shuffle out and wash my face. I check my phone; Jake still hasn’t responded to me. And I’m two minutes late.